sometimes i wonder if the life i am setting myself up for lately is holding me back. i am spending more and more time at my parents house, but that is where i want to be. i even plan on moving here while i complete my masters program. i’m telling myself it is to save money, which it is. but also it is because i am comfortable here. and what worries me the most is that i didn’t feel this way last year. i didn’t feel this way at all when i wasn’t dating drew, who lives near my parents house, who can’t afford to come see me at my apartment right now because his life is messy and he got laid off and gas is expensive and his truck is a hog. so am i regressing for the sake of progress in my relationship, or am i just regressing because it isn’t as scary as real life? i need a solution because this idea is putting me through the ringer. i need to find a balance. i need help.
truth.
Maharishi, 1974:
“Our inability to see clearly is not due to some inadequate arrangement of the objects of our vision. Although, as a result of restoring our sight, we shall be better able to rearrange those objects, our first task is to reclaim our full powers of seeing.
“Although there are certainly many things in the world to be put right, we shall not be able to accomplish this humane ideal by mere reshuffling the environment. It will never humanly succeed until we can see and appreciate that environment at its full value, until we can envision all its possibilities with expanded heart and mind so that they may be actualized to the advantage of everyone and everything in nature.
“Men and women, however great their responsibilities, have up to now been reduced to reshuffling the environment to varying effect, just because they have not known how to claim this birthright. As a result, it is becoming commonplace to point out that, in spite of prodigies of technological skill, in spite of explosions of objective information, mankind continues to suffer from collective disasters and individual inadequacies.
“When we resume contact with this deep source of creativity within us, we are able to appreciate all the limits that circumstances impose and see beyond them.
“That source within us from which all change arises, the interior reservoir of creative energy, gives to those who have learned to systematically draw upon it a quiet and justified confidence born of inner silence and strength.”
The best part of having a relationship is getting to call the person or lay down next to them and tell them all the crazy things that happened to you all day long, and in the end that’s what it’s about, kids. It’s not about the sex, it’s not about the money that they give you or whatever. It’s not about how good-looking they are, it’s about, can they listen to you talk for hours and hours and hours about stupid shit that doesn’t matter.
(via creatingaquietmind)
Every now and then you’ll meet someone new. Someone maybe your heart would have raced away with, before you experienced the crippling agony of having it broken. And yeah, maybe your heart’s been repaired since, maybe you’re as happy as you’ve ever been and entirely satisfied with yourself and your life—but that’s just the point, isn’t it? You’re no longer prepared to disrupt the harmony. You barely survived it—the first time your world was picked up and shaken like a shitty little snow globe—and you’re not willing to hedge a bet that you’ll survive it a second time.
So you’ll push the new ones away instinctively. Half of you will be relieved and the other half will pang with melancholy. You want to be braver—because when it comes down to the bones of it, all you really are is scared. You wish it was as simple as calling out to your mother and having her check under your bed and in the closet for the boogey man, but you’re on your own now, with no one to protect you from night terrors but yourself.
You’re not a bad person—you know you’re not—you have so much love to give, but you’ve never feared anything more than giving it. It seems like such a shame and waste, but at the same time entirely necessary. You desperately want to be inspired again, to hold someone’s hand in the street, to have them brush the hair from your eyes as you rest your face on their chest in bed on lazy Sundays. You want someone to tell you they love you in the dim half-light of morning, you want someone you can cook dinner for, you want someone whose wounds you can lick. You want someone who is at once your best friend but with whom you share the secret sweetness of sex, and a heightened physical and emotional intimacy. And yet: wanting is not the same as having, and you let them all pass by you and around you, like wind whipping against your ankles. Your heart is still and safe.
Jan Švankmajer - Dimensions of Dialogue (Moznosti dialogu), 1983.
(via evacuating-heaven)
I will love you as though you were the only person I’d ever loved. I will love you intensely, I will throw myself around you recklessly and if you love me back I will be humbled. I will love you so much I will try to be a better person every day. I will work harder, smile more, love better—all because of you. Despite this, the way I love you will be effortless, it will fit me like my summer skin, glowing in your presence. I will love you boundlessly and unselfishly, and my love will not be metered by your love for me. I will love you irrespective of everything.
I will love you because it’s lovely to love you. I will love you because whether you are my mother, my best friend, the love of my life or a one-night stand, I think you’re perfect. I will love you because you’ve made my life more wonderful by simply being it. I will love you because I don’t know what else to do, and I don’t know if there is another name for this feeling, or if I really want there to be another name for it. I will love you because there isn’t enough love in the everyday. I will love you because I love loving, and because you deserve to be loved.
(via creatingaquietmind)
